Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

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Always remember you’re unique – just like everyone else.

I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.

How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.

Don’t feel sad…don’t feel blue…Frankenstein was ugly too…

U got Sex Appeal…U got Class…U got Moves…U got da Face, da Body….sh*t…I got wrong number…SORRY 🙂

I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!

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If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me

Mind intentionally left blank…

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I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.

If I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time – I think I’ve forgotten this before.

“It flies so high, I swear I heard the organs playing.” – On travelling in Concorde.

“A very, very religious man. Every time I eat a peanut, I feel immortal.” – On President Carter.

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“Lots of travel, away from home.” – Explaining his long and happy marriage.

“I’ve got to watch myself these days. It’s too exciting watching anyone else.” – At the age of 91.

“I need money. I have a staff of 30, and four houses, never mind the government, to support.”

“Fish don’t applaud.” – On cutting short a cruise his doctor had ordered him to take.

“She’s a swell gal.” – On the Queen.

Being yourself is being the person everyone else wants you to be.

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The wisest mind has something yet to learn.

If you want truly to understand something, try to change it.

Be of use, but don’t be used.

Winners never quit and quitters never win.

When in doubt, consult your inner child if it doesn’t come naturally, leave it.

Why is abbreviation such a long word ?

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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One good turn gets most of the blankets.

There are two kinds of pedestrians — the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool who
said “Quit while you’re ahead”?

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.

Willie was a Chemist, But Willie is no more, What Willie thought was
H20 Was H2SO4.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Apparently, the knight in shining armor who was supposed to sweep me off of my feet got lost in the woods.
 
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You are the proof that God has a sense of humor.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
 

There are no passengers on spaceship Earth~we are all the crew.
 ~cute myspace quote

Hey babe, can I have your number? I think it’ll look better in my pocket than in your head.
 

And now for some feedback: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
 

Never argue with a man carrying a water buffalo.
 ~sweet saying by Cool Girl

Christmas quotes I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.”
~ Charles Dickens (1812-1870), English author. From ‘A Christmas Carol’.

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Christmas quotes Something about an old-fashioned Christmas is hard to forget.”
~ Hugh Downs (1921- ), American newscaster.

Christmas quotes They err who thinks Santa Claus comes down through the chimney; he really enters through the heart.”
~ Mrs. Paul M. Ell.

Christmas quotes It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.”
~ W. T. Ellis

Christmas quotes Christmas, my child, is love in action.”
~ Dale Evans (1912-2001), American film actress, singer and songwriter. Wife of Roy Rogers.

Christmas quotes Do give books – religious or otherwise – for Christmas. They’re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.”
~ Lenore Hershey